It can be challenging and draining to deal with someone who is immature
Unfortunately, one of the side effects of dealing with people is also dealing with their immaturity. Emotional immaturity is the expression of emotions without restraint or disproportionate to the situation.1 Often, emotional immaturity is compared to childlike behaviour and reactions to situations.2
Emotional immaturity is often joked about and seen as a funny trait. In reality, emotional immaturity is harmful to others and the person because it disrupts relationships, prioritizes selfishness and creates conflict for others.2 These are the seven most common signs of emotional immaturity in individuals.
1. Chronic Selfishness
As commonly observed in children, emotionally immature individuals tend to be selfish.3 This includes making conversations and situations about themselves.5 Emotionally immature people often prioritize their wants and needs over those of others.5 This behaviour can also manifest as a need to be the center of attention at events or in groups.4
2. Lack of Empathy
Emotionally immature people often fail to view situations or emotions from others’ perspectives.5 Often, this behaviour manifests as indifference or coldness towards people who have been hurt by them or others.5Selfishness then takes over, and the immature person’s focus shifts back to their own needs and wishes, disregarding the other person’s struggles and feelings.5
3. Lack of Accountability
Everyone makes mistakes, but if a person refuses to take accountability or criticism for their mistakes, then they might be emotionally immature.3 This includes deflecting blame onto other people or circumstances rather than taking responsibility.4 If a person deflects blame in conversations or makes excuses for their behaviour, then they may be emotionally immature.3 This leads people to be cautious around the immature person due to their previous poor reactions, which can stifle relationships.5
4. They Lack Depth
Emotionally immature people do not engage in emotional intimacy even with those they love.3 Bonding and connecting with others requires emotional maturity.4 However, if a person laughs or makes jokes at inappropriate times or refuses to engage in essential conversations, then they may be emotionally immature.3
5. Name-Calling and Bullying
Children are known to name-call and may bully others, which is reflected in emotionally immature adults.2 Bullying behaviour can include adult tantrums or labelling someone an unfavourable name when they do not get their way.2 Bullying can also include holding grudges rather than having a conversation about hurt feelings.5
6. Lack of Impulse Control
As demonstrated in children, emotionally immature individuals tend to be impulsive. Immature people will act on whims while ignoring the long-term consequences of their behaviour or actions.5 Impulsive behaviour includes saying hurtful things in the moment, making or changing plans without thinking of others and making risky financial decisions.5
7. Need for Control
Emotionally immature individuals are often stubborn in their thinking and tend to crave control.5 They cling to beliefs and routines as a way to calm their fear of change or uncertainty.5 This is in addition to rejecting new ideas or routines. Emotionally immature individuals often become defensive or angry when situations do not unfold as they expect.5 This need for control can be seen as stubbornness rather than its true nature as a defence mechanism to soothe anxiety and unpredictability.5
Conclusion
Emotionally immature people will display variations of these seven traits throughout their relationship with you. It can be challenging and draining to deal with someone who is immature.5 Recognizing the signs of emotional immaturity can help you understand the person and see their behaviour as a reflection of them, not you.
Conversations and boundaries may be needed to maintain a relationship with an immature person.5 However, they may become defensive to criticism or avoid meaningful conversations altogether, which can add more strain to a relationship. Overall, an emotionally immature person is often controlling and selfish while lacking accountability, empathy, depth, and impulse control, and may bully or name-call others.
About the Author Madison Mussio
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References
[1] https://dictionary.apa.org/emotional-immaturity
[2] https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-a-emotional-immaturity
[3] https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-immaturity#characteristics
[4] https://www.verywellhealth.com/emotional-immaturity-warning-signs-5218497
[5] https://www.enotalone.com/article/mental-health/emotions/14-clear-signs-youre-dealing-with-an-emotionally-immature-adult-and-what-to-do-about-it-r15314/
