Category: Psychology

The Failure of Our Dreams

The Failure of Our Dreams May Not Be Bad After All

For the last twenty years, one of my friend’s dreams was to move to Vancouver, Canada, from Europe and live there for the rest of her life. She loves skiing, hiking, and nature and wants a successful journalism career. Over the last year since she moved to Vancouver, she worked multiple jobs to afford a room with a landlord who actively hated her and tried to get her to pay for their repairs. It was not until her visa was expiring that she found a job in her field of journalism, only to become heartbroken when they refused to sponsor her to allow her to stay. The job itself had long hours and was not worth it, according to her. Her dream of living in Vancouver and enjoying all the nature it had to offer slowly disappeared as time passed. By the end, she knew Vancouver was not worth it anymore and decided to return to Europe. 

Her story reminds me how common it is for our dreams to fail, especially due to factors outside of our control. We as a society seem to obsess over the dreams that others succeed in, using them to fuel our own aspirations while ignoring the dreams that people fail. We think that other people’s failures could never be our own. This bias is often referred to as succession bias. 

Psychology Terms: Just-World Fallacy and Fundamental Attribution Error

Two other psychological terms fit this type of thinking and perspective: the just-world fallacy and the fundamental attribution error. The just-world fallacy is a bias we may have regarding people getting what they deserve based on whether they are “good” or not. We may believe that good people will eventually be rewarded while bad people will eventually be punished. I think this term can be attributed to us chasing our dreams. I believe it is common to have the bias that “as long as I work hard and I am a good person, I will be able to achieve my dreams” and assume those who did not succeed before us did not warrant a successful result. 

This brings me to the next psychology term related to this type of thinking, the fundamental attribution error. The fundamental attribution error is a bias where we overemphasize someone’s actions resulting from their personality and underemphasize their actions in correlation to outside circumstances. Applying this to our dreams, we could believe that people who failed did not try hard enough while ignoring how difficult it is for outsiders to gain the skills or respect to succeed. This could even be switched, and we could assume that success comes to those who work the hardest while ignoring factors like community and financial support or the lack of difficulties in their personal lives. 

Friends’s Failed Dreams

It could be inferred that my friend, like many people, thought that as long as you try hard and have a positive mindset, you can achieve your dreams. However, she discovered a different reality in Vancouver. She was held back by the expensiveness of Vancouver and how difficult it can be to find a well-paying job in your field as a new immigrant without family support. Without a doubt, she worked as hard as she could to make life in Vancouver work for her. However, she cannot change the fact that her job would not sponsor her, and she cannot change the fact that Vancouver is expensive. These circumstances were beyond what hard work and a positive mindset could change regardless of the person. This, to me, is the fruition of the fundamental attribution error and the just-world fallacy. 

With this in mind, I bring up the alternative if we never chase our dreams. I have another friend who dedicated six years to a study field he loved. His dream was to be a university professor, a competitive field that required him to spend another five to six years getting a PhD. Before he embarked on his dream six years ago, he was a high school teacher on the other side of the continent, dreaming of helping higher academic studies in the scholarly field he loved. This past spring, after six years of pursuing his dream, he realized that being a professor was not his dream anymore. For years, he watched as his professors had mental breakdowns, brought up all the issues of the field, complained about colleagues and had little to no time for their own families. He did not want that life for himself in ten years. Like my other friend, he was devastated that he was no longer motivated to fight for his dream anymore. Just like her, he had dreamed and worked hard only to end up not fulfilling the goal he had dedicated and chased for years. 

Hearing his devastation at his failure, I offered a new viewpoint, which I also offered to her. Even if it did not work out in the end, it was better to have tried your hardest to achieve your dreams than continue to be in your unfulfilling job, wondering “what if” for the rest of your life. They both agreed with me, stating that they would have regretted not taking the risk despite it not working out in the end. 

My Own Story of Failure

This brings me to my own story of failure. For as long as I can remember, it was a dream of mine to live in London, England. It was my favourite city, and I eventually lived there for two years. I had the opportunity to live there for another two years, but I declined for two main reasons. The first reason was that London was not an easy city socially or economically to live in. It was hard to make friends, and the costs outweighed the benefits I was getting back. I had a friend in London once say that everyone in London is mildly depressed and grumpy as a result, and I could not agree more. The second reason was that I wanted something different out of life than what London had to offer. Once I had achieved my dream of living in London, I could focus on other interests and goals and discovered that I love nature, a calm atmosphere, and close friends. These three things were hard to find in London, so I left for Barcelona, Spain and eventually ended up back in Vancouver, Canada, where I found these three things I craved and more. 

I bring up my failed dream because we may not realize that chasing and even temporarily achieving our dreams opens us up to discover new dreams. My friend discovered that she wanted to focus on her career in journalism rather than the availability of skiing and nature. My other friend discovered he enjoyed a new field of study but wanted to be a professional rather than a professor. For myself, as you know, I discovered attributes in a city I wanted that London did not offer. It can be easy to dwell on the failure of our dreams without looking at the new dreams and experiences we gained as a result. I cannot ignore that for us three, these failed dreams are attributed to us growing as people and expanding our repertoire of lived experiences that we can apply to our lives in the future. I think it is important to note that even if we fail our dreams, it is better to chase them and fail than to wonder all your life what could have been. 

About the Author Madison Mussio

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The Four Reasons We Want to Buy More

Our lack of satisfaction with purchases stems from four science-based reasons

Introduction To Why We Want to Buy More

A common issue that may plague our lives is that we are never satisfied with what we buy for long. Our excitement for our purchase soon fades and is replaced with indifference. Is it because the new object is less valuable now? Are we used to its presence, prompting the previous excitement to disappear?  This dynamic is due to four factors. The first reason is our unknowing participation in our personal Hedonic Treadmill.1 The second reason is that the marketing industry is a psychology-researched and trillion-dollar thriving industry.2 3 The third reason is that we often buy due to comparison and habitual behaviour.4 The fourth and final reason is that we commonly lack gratitude for what we already possess.5

Reason 1: The Hedonic Treadmill

The hedonic treadmill is the psychology theory that despite what we experience (positive or negative), our brains will default to our baseline emotional and mental state once the event (or, in this case, purchase) is finished.1 The hedonic treadmill theory applies directly to the spike in dopamine and serotonin we acquire while anticipating and purchasing items.1 Once we acquire the item, the dopamine and serotonin boost dwindles, and our brains default to our baseline emotional and mental position.1 For people who have life struggles, their baseline emotional state can be low, prompting their craving for the dopamine and serotonin boost of purchases.1  This phenomenon cements the cycle, or in this case, the treadmill effect of the Hedonic Treadmill.1

Getting off the hedonic treadmill can be challenging and requires us to deal with the factors that have created dissatisfaction in our baseline emotional and mental state. However, in the long term, dealing with a low emotional state will bring happiness and reduce the craving for purchasing, thus breaking the detrimental hedonic treadmill.1

Reason 2: The Success of the Marketing Industry

The second reason we want to buy more is the success of the marketing industry itself. Marketing is a 1.65 trillion-dollar powerful psychology-based tool companies use to entice us to purchase and pay more.2 3 The marketing industry thrives on psychology research, particularly the psychology of how companies can convince people to buy an item or spend more on it.3 For example, it is common for companies to use specific colours in their branding and logos to spark particular feelings in potential customers.3 Companies use red to invoke hunger, while others use pink to connect with female audiences.3 Unfortunately, their colourization is based on research that shows these techniques’ wild success.3 Other examples of successful techniques include the use of buzzwords, aligning to trending causes and the successfulness of targeted ads. 

Marketing has also mastered its ability to warp our perception of the difference between needs, issues and luxuries.6 It has become commonplace for ordinary people to see luxuries as necessities thanks to the power of long-term targeted ads, which results in warped need perspectives. Marketing material often exaggerates or showcases a problem that may not be prevalent in our lives and advertises a product that solves it.7 This technique, routinely used in infomercials, is called Problem-Solution Selling.6

Our actual human needs are highlighted in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.8 These basic human needs include psychological needs (water, food, shelter), safety and belonging, self-esteem and self-actualization.8 These needs can be hijacked with products advertised as solutions to our needs when, in reality, they will not meet our needs.7 For example, one cannot find self-esteem or belonging in a purchased item, as much as marketers will have you believe. You can only meet those needs in a loving community and through healing work. 

Reason 3: Comparison and Habitual Behaviour

The third reason we want to buy more is because of comparisons and habitual shopping habits.4 It is natural to strive towards happiness. However, with over a hundred years of successful marketing tactics, we may assume either partly or wholeheartedly that happiness comes from purchases rather than perspective changes and other non-purchasable factors.9 Comparison is a common habit that has been shown to increase our spending habits. Studies show that we have the highest level of unhappiness when we are dissatisfied with what we have and decide to want more.9 This is often emphasized when we feel pressure to buy more or feel like we should earn more to acquire more due to the comparison of people in our community.4  

However, the benefit of endless comparison and a lack of satisfaction with what we have drives us to find better outcomes.10 Comparison can also lead to faster learning.10 On the other hand, comparison makes us unhappier and can cause us to devalue what we own, which can lead to depression.9 This can be seen in the “Keeping Up with the Jones” effect, where we may be upset by what we do not have compared to our neighbours and friends rather than being happy with what we possess.9 Though comparison could be an evolutionary advantage because it prompts us to seek better options, it can cause an endless cycle of dissatisfaction with one’s belongings, leading to unhappiness overall.9 10

Reason 4: Lack of Gratitude

The fourth reason we want to buy more is a lack of gratitude.5 A lack of gratitude can contribute to our thirst to want more.5 Unhappiness peaks when we are unsatisfied with what we possess.11 If we do not appreciate what we have, we can enter a cycle of wanting because we lack satisfaction with what we own.12 It becomes hard to enjoy the present if we feel lacking, contributing to our dissatisfaction and desire for more.11 However, we are statistically happier when we relinquish the thirst for more, which we can achieve through mindful gratitude.11 This is because when we are content with what we possess and appreciate the present, we eliminate the feeling of shame or envy for more.4 Practicing gratitude changes our perspective and helps us become satisfied with our lives and the objects we acquire.12

Future-orientated purchase thinking also creates dissatisfaction with the objects that we already possess.11The mindset of uncontrolled acquiring means that our possessions may not meet our expectations.11 These unmet expectations cement the cycle of disappointment and dissatisfaction in our possessions, which leads to more wanting.11 A lack of gratitude can also warp our perception of luxuries as standard necessities, contributing to unhappiness.5 These combined factors demonstrate that a lack of gratitude is a critical factor in the dissatisfying cycle of wanting, contributing to unhappiness overall.5 11

Conclusion

In conclusion, our unquenchable thirst to buy more stems from four reasons. The first reason is our unknowing participation in the Hedonic Treadmill, which is to avoid our negative emotional baseline.1 The second reason is the power of the multi-trillion-dollar marketing industry and its psychology-based tactics.2 3 The third reason is community-orientated comparison and habitual spending.4 The fourth and final reason is our lack of gratitude, which leads to dissatisfaction and thirst for acquiring more.5

[1] Hedonic treadmill. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/hedonic-treadmill 

[2] Marketing Worldwide- Statistics & Facts. Statista. https://www.statista.com/topics/8954/marketing-worldwide/#topicOverview

[3] Color Psychology for Marketers: Brand’s Success Stories and Best Practices. Tailwind. https://www.tailwindapp.com/blog/color-psychology-in-marketing

[4] Humans’ Desire to Want More May Serve an Important Purpose. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/humans-desire-to-want-more-may-serve-an-important-purpose

[5] The #1 Reason Why We Want More And More (And More). Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/more-more-more/

[6] Needs, Wants, and Demands in Marketing. BBANote. https://bbanote.org/needs-wants-and-demands-in-marketing/

[7] What is Problem-Solutions Selling? (Explained with Examples). Breakcold. https://www.breakcold.com/explain/problem-solution-selling

[8] Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

[9] The Problem with Wanting. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-the-darkness/201507/the-problem-wanting

[10] The Pursuit of Happiness: A Reinforcement Learning Perspective on Habitual and Comparison. PLOS Computational Biology Journal. https://journals.plos.org/ploscompbiol/article?id=10.1371/journal.pcbi.1010316

[11] The Problem with Wanting. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-the-darkness/201507/the-problem-wanting

[12] What is Gratitude and Why Is it So Important?. Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/